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You're Not My Kind Of Girl

We had a good podcast that spark the topic of this blog post. On this podcast, we had comedian Thomas Nichols, as our guest where he spoke on his career in comedy, how he goes about writing his jokes, and where the genre is headed. He also joined in on our topics and as usual for any guest, he felt at home in the conversation. Here is what we learned:

1. Never throw your material away.

2. What might not work now, may work later.

3. There is 6 degrees of separation between Billy Crystal and the movie Paid in Full.

4. The NBA All-Star game should’ve been held in Salt Lake City this year.

5. Trash sex is not a deterrent for some of us.


Now that last thing we learned derived from a question that my wife asked me hours before we recorded the podcast. She asked me if a man can fall in love with a woman if she was bad in bed? I immediately laughed at the question because for me, it was an obvious no. My wife is my high school sweetheart. When we met, she was fresh off the basketball team, sexy, tall, and athletically toned (still is). We fell deeply in love before we actually sealed the deal, and I’ve never had to ask myself if we would be where we are now if it wasn’t.

I reluctantly posted this question on our group chat and a few of the fellas agreed with me. While others made a sound reasonable argument on why the physical part of the relationship does not hold a candle to the mental stimulant that a woman provides to you in your relationship. For one, we are all in our early 40s now, another question that was posed was did we marry our best sexual partner? Most of us did not, proving that the mental part of the relationship overrides the physical. . .in some cases.

If this question was posed to us in our early 20s, it would’ve been a resounding NO across the board. However, with it being posed at this point of our lives, we all have well fueled versions of perspectives. For the most part, we addressed all relationship phases of this question. From dating to marriage, there is a level of intensity within the relationship sometimes slows sex down. When you add marriage into the mix, sometimes the sexual intensity is rivaled by life’s obstacles. This is where the mental part of the relationship should prevail, but unfortunately, this only works half of the time.

Then there is the question of how much can the mental part of a relationship prevail early on? When it comes to sex in a relationship, I find that very few men have the patience for women to evolve into the sexual partner that they desire. Most men require the ready-made package, the seasoned veteran, the battle tested lover. I think this is why we never commit early on in a relationship. We’ll have a roster of women, but that one who wasn’t that good in bed will still be on there for some reason because she affected you in another way that we just can’t shake. As time goes, the roster starts to dwindle, and the one you couldn’t shake, winds up being the one you fall in love with.

In the end, the bad sex eliminates itself if the mental connection was strong from the start. Too many times in relationships, men and women work and build up to their honesty, instead of starting with it. Forget about trust! It’s all about being honest and knowing what you want. Most men don’t realize that until we get older. As Chris Rock said in one of his stand-up specials, “Men upgrade sexually, women upgrade financially.” While bad sex may lead to a woman being New Edition’s You’re Not My Kind Of Girl, sometimes, it’s that girl a man regrets not giving a chance. It’s her that leaves a man wondering what could’ve been?

Tony Love

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